Charlene’s story

"Although I enjoyed spending time with my new baby, I began feeling incredibly sad all the time."

I was working in a full-time job and had just given birth to my second child, Alexandra, 21 years after my first. She was a surprise, having been told by fertility doctors that I would not likely get pregnant naturally again. My life changed dramatically, as it does for all parents, and I thought it was “normal” to feel how I was feeling.

I went on maternity leave a week before I gave birth. The birth was fairly straightforward, and I went home the same day, excited to care for my newborn. I was feeling happy, but soon noticed this wore off and I was feeling very down.

I was caring for a baby who did not sleep well and I exclusively breastfed her, meaning she was solely reliant on me. My husband was working nights, so all of the nights fell to me, which was really hard whilst dealing with a lack of sleep.

Although I enjoyed spending time with my new baby, I began feeling incredibly sad all the time. I remember just trying to get through every day and crying most of the day. I felt worthless and useless, as both a mum and a person. I remember my midwife said that feeling low after giving birth was “normal,” but I was still feeling low long after. I felt like I’d feel how I was feeling forever.

Every day was a chore just to get up and get through it. I felt intensely sad, didn’t enjoy doing anything that I previously enjoyed doing, such as seeing friends or family. I was incredibly anxious and health anxiety about my baby kicked in, which was all-consuming.

At work, after returning from maternity leave, I remember crying at my desk which quickly developed into a panic attack. I hadn’t had panic attacks before, but these became a regular occurrence after giving birth. I tried to hide it, but crying at work and being unable to control how I was feeling made this virtually impossible. I felt embarrassed and ashamed.

"On several occasions, I had to call the perinatal mental health line.

Someone asked me if I came back to work too soon and when I was going to “be better,” which didn’t help how I was feeling."

– Charlene

I withdrew into myself and just made myself carry on with a routine to get through the day. I put on a brave face and tried to get on with it, not really opening up to anyone. It affected my relationship with my husband, but we just put this down to having a new baby and a lack of sleep.

I reached a turning point at my eight-week check-up with my GP, who was amazing. My GP was someone who normally showed little empathy, but when I told her how I was feeling, she was incredibly supportive. She discussed support that was available and referred me to the perinatal mental health team. As I left her office, she tapped me on the shoulder, and that tap made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

I was later diagnosed with postpartum depression and was supported by the perinatal mental health team. They were great, giving me access to a crisis team (which I used several times), a perinatal psychiatrist, medication, and therapy.

I am on the road to recovery but made some other big changes too. I realised my previous job was affecting my health, so I found a new role at Mental Health UK, with a supportive employer.

Motherhood is hard, but do not dismiss how you are feeling due to sleep, depression, or a change in your life.

Postpartum depression is not talked about enough and it can be debilitating. There is help available, and I don’t think I’d be where I am today without getting help.

Please reach out and seek support.

– Charlene

Types of Depression

For more information and support please visit:

PANDAS provides telephone support, information and local support groups for pregnancy depression and postnatal depression.

PANDAS free helpline is: 0808 1961 776

The Association for Postnatal Illness (APNI) provides telephone support and online resources on postnatal depression.

APNI’s free helpline is: 0207 386 0868