Kristen’s story

"We’re all women who are trying to juggle work, caring responsibilities, and household responsibilities often while feeling fatigued and with health conditions of our own to deal with."

I struggled with anxiety and depression in my early 20s. Other than that, I was pretty healthy. But then small things started happening, from joint pain to struggling with sleep to forgetfulness. Then weight gain and my hair falling out. Lots of these little things started to build up and get me down, but at no point did I stop to think any of what I was going through might be menopause.

I was coming to head office one day for a meeting, a trip I have made many times before. I usually look forward to coming into London. I’ve done the journey so often I feel like I could do it in my sleep. But when I was getting ready for the train that morning, I was putting my mascara on and my hand was shaking so badly due to being anxious about leaving the house and catching a train. The only time I’ve been like that was in my early 20s, when I was scared to go out. It was just like something was going on with me again. These little things, it was all building up to something.

I started to wonder if it was menopause. I’ve got friends my age and they talk about it, but I wasn’t having hot flushes, so I thought I was good. I also spoke to my sister, who’s five years older than me and experiences severe mental health problems. When she started menopause, she was “sectioned” twice. She thinks having that big shift in hormones exacerbated her existing condition because she had a similar experience after giving birth. After speaking with her, I thought I’d better go to the doctor.

I explained to the doctor what had been going on. I was taking the contraceptive pill at the time, which actually stopped you having a period every month. The doctor said the only way I’d find out is if I went off the pill to see if I get a period. I was on the pill for about 10 years. When I went off it, nothing happened: no period. Everything stopped. I realised I’d been going through menopause, which explained a lot about what had been going on with my body and my mind.

I experienced suicidal ideation in my adolescence, but seemed to get through that. Then when I had my daughter, I definitely had postnatal depression. As I’ve gone into menopause, I’ve had this wave again.

It made all of the pieces fit together; having that anxiety one morning where I was doing something completely normal, something that I really look forward to, but feeling so anxious that I was struggling to keep my hands still. The hot flushes did come eventually, and they came with a rage.

– Kristen

The only thing that seemed to help me with that is a good old-fashioned hand fan on hand at all times and taking sage.

On the flip side though, there are plus sides to the menopause journey, like the menopause support group at Rethink. Just being able to sit and talk about it in a safe space, with people having similar experiences to yourself, is such a huge benefit and we can’t put a price on that. We talk and support each other. We’ve also had managers within the organisation approaching us to ask if we could support members of staff. It’s great that Rethink do this. Women from the group have commented “the M word” was something they couldn’t even say in their last workplace because it’s just a totally taboo subject.

I’m no expert but my best advice is to make sure you look after yourself first, because if you can’t look after yourself, you can’t look after anybody else. This is a lot of what our support group is about – reminding each other to look after themselves first.

We’re all women who are trying to juggle work, caring responsibilities, and household responsibilities often while feeling fatigued and with health conditions of our own to deal with. But you’ve got to look after yourself, physically and mentally. You’re probably not high up on other people’s agendas, so you’ve got to make sure you’re number one on yours.

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