Ed’s story

"We are never alone in these moments. We just need to talk about it."

Being detained under the Mental Health Act

Silence around me. My whole life has fallen in on me. Everything that’s led to this point is going through my mind.

I was sitting alone in a small hospital room after being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. I’d been suspended from work at Network Rail and was functioning at about 75%, using cigarettes and alcohol as a coping mechanism.

Instead of being surrounded by my family and friends as my life spiralled out of control, I found myself confined by four sterile, white walls. On top of that are the sounds and voices from around you. People in the same or worse state than you. Confused, frightened people shouting out in fear or anger. I was here for three weeks before I was allowed to go home with medication and support.

My early experiences with schizophrenia

Medical experts are still not sure if schizophrenia is something you are born with or something you develop. Perhaps, I was predisposed to it or my environment helped it develop. In hindsight, I think the stress of university work, alcohol and smoking all may have contributed to my mental health deteriorating.

When I was 22 and at university, studying Maths and Economics, things were getting stressful. I dealt with this using alcohol and cigarettes. I started dropping friendships and withdrawing from things. I believed that I was going to be an incredible football player, even though I hadn’t played before. My friends and family tried to make me see sense. I tried football out and failed.

But this is where things got complicated. I knew I failed, but how? I was supposed to be a great football player. This didn’t make any sense. I withdrew further from society.

Contrary to what the media and movies often portray, schizophrenia didn’t make me violent or dangerous.

Getting the support I needed

At a Hearing Voices support group, I met people whose experiences were similar to mine and others whose symptoms affected their lives very differently. I came to realise that schizophrenia can affect people in a spectrum of ways.

It was hard realising I had to rebuild all of the relationships and friendships I’d pushed away. The first time I handed over a sick note to my manager at work – with schizophrenia being the cause of my absence – was also really hard. This was definitely because I was scared of the stigma around schizophrenia and the reaction that my boss might have. I remember an internal fight I had with myself to come to terms with it.

Through a combination of meditation, therapy, managed breathing techniques, self-reflection and medication, I know how to better manage my health. I know my danger signs are alcohol, smoking, dropping my meditation or medication, starting to push others away and keeping things inside.

At my current role at work, support has mainly been around flexibility, understanding and awareness. I don’t have any specific reasonable adjustments in place, but definitely have made use of a good sick leave policy, as well as mental health support, like therapy, which has been provided through the company.

This story has a positive ending – or at least up to now. I’ve managed to find a positive headspace, a partner whom I’ve settled down with and begun to have success in my career. Recovery for me has meant finding ways to manage my mental health and continue to build my life. It’s now coming up to 7 years since I last needed sick leave for my mental health.

Despite everything I’ve gone through, I’ve come so far. I’ve become a more open person, appreciative of others and myself. I did a talk about my experience for the first time a couple of summers ago, and have since been approached by so many different people sharing their own experiences. This goes to prove that we are never alone in these moments. We just need to talk about it.

Information and support

Schizophrenia Suicide Stress

Want to know more about National Schizophrenia Awareness Day?

National Schizophrenia Awareness Day