Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss that can affect your mental health and emotional wellbeing in many ways. This page explains grief and bereavement, including the different types of grief, common signs, the stages of grief, how long grief can last, how to cope and where to find support.

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What is grief?

Grief is the emotional, physical and psychological response to losing someone or something important to you. Bereavement usually refers specifically to losing someone through death, although grief can follow many types of loss, including the death of a pet or public figure, the end of a relationship, losing your job, or changes to your health, independence or sense of security.

What are the different types of grief?

There are different terms used to describe experiences of grief and loss. Some are widely used in grief research and practice, while others describe specific circumstances or patterns of grief rather than formal clinical diagnoses.

Uncomplicated grief

Uncomplicated grief describes the natural response to a significant loss. The term is sometimes used to distinguish an expected response from grief that is persistent and significantly affects everyday life.

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief is grief that begins before a loss happens. It can occur when you know that someone close to you is likely to die, or when you are facing another significant loss that you can see coming.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn't openly acknowledged, recognised or supported by others. You may feel that your loss isn’t seen as significant enough to grieve, or that you cannot openly talk about it or receive support.

Ambiguous loss

Ambiguous loss describes uncertainty about what has been lost or whether a loss has occurred. It can happen when someone is physically present but psychologically or emotionally changed, or physically absent with an unknown fate.

Traumatic grief

Traumatic grief can occur when someone dies suddenly, unexpectedly or in traumatic circumstances. The shock and distress surrounding the death can make the grieving process more complex and difficult, as you may experience trauma alongside your grief.

Delayed grief

Delayed grief describes a response that emerges some time after a loss rather than immediately. Someone may initially feel numb, overwhelmed or focused on practical matters, with stronger emotions appearing later.

Absent grief

Absent grief describes a situation where someone experiences little or no apparent emotional response following a loss, particularly in the early stages. This may be temporary, especially shortly after a loss. It doesn't mean you didn't care about the person or that you aren't grieving.

Cumulative grief

Cumulative grief describes grief that builds up when you experience multiple losses over a relatively short period of time, without having had time to process an earlier loss. These losses may be related to deaths, relationships, health, employment or other significant changes.

Collective grief

Collective grief is experienced by a group, community or society following a shared loss or traumatic event. It can affect many people at the same time, including those who did not personally know the people who died.

Prolonged grief

Prolonged grief describes grief that remains intense and persistent over an extended period and continues to significantly affect your daily life. For some people, this may develop into prolonged grief disorder.

Sources:

How could grief affect me?

Everyone experiences loss differently. Your feelings may change over time, with periods when they feel very intense followed by times when they become easier to manage.

You may experience:

Grief that comes in waves: intense feelings may arise unexpectedly, even after you have started to feel more able to cope. Grief may also be reawakened or become more intense later, particularly around significant dates or reminders of your loss.

Delayed grief: when an intense grief response begins weeks, months or sometimes years after someone close to you has died. This can happen for different reasons, such as being busy caring for someone else or dealing with practical responsibilities after the death.

Grief can be triggered by things that remind you of the person who died. These might include:

  • an anniversary or birthday
  • a familiar smell or sound
  • a place, song or activity you associate with them
  • a significant life event
  • the death of someone else you love, including a family member or public figure.

You may also experience feelings that seem unexpected or difficult to understand. If you witnessed the condition of the person who died deteriorate, for example, you may feel relief that they are no longer suffering. This can sometimes be followed by guilt. Having mixed or unexpected feelings does not mean you loved or cared about the person any less.

You may also find that your grief changes as you adjust to life without the person who died. Having moments when you feel happy, enjoy yourself or focus on other parts of your life does not mean you have stopped grieving or that you didn’t care enough. It’s natural to gradually make space for other parts of your life while continuing to remember and grieve for the person you have lost.

The grief you experience after someone dies by suicide can be particularly complex and intense. You may have questions about what happened or experience feelings such as guilt, anger or confusion.

What are the signs of grief?

Grief can affect your mental and physical health in different ways. It can also affect how you think, behave and interact with other people.

Everyone experiences grief differently, and you may experience some of the following symptoms, signs and effects, or none of them.

Illustration of person thinking with rain cloud above

Emotional signs of grief

You may experience a wide range of emotions, including:

 

  • shock or numbness
  • overwhelming sadness or crying
  • anxiety, fear or panic attacks
  • anger towards the person who died, the cause of their death or a religious figure
  • guilt about your feelings or actions
  • intense loneliness
  • relief if the person was suffering or seriously ill
  • feeling disconnected or detached
  • positive emotions, such as moments of happiness reflecting on memories
Illustration of person thinking with cogs over their head

Cognitive signs of grief

Grief can affect the way you think and may cause you to experience:

 

  • confusion
  • difficulty concentrating or remembering
  • difficulty making decisions
  • feeling that what has happened isn’t real
  • difficulty thinking or planning for the future
  • seeing, hearing or sensing the presence of the person who died
Person holding her hand in the air

Behavioural signs of grief

Grief can affect your behaviour, routines and interactions with others. You may:

 

  • increase or decrease the amount you eat
  • have little desire for social contact
  • withdraw from others
  • struggle with usual activities
  • change your usual routines
  • struggle with everyday tasks
  • lose motivation in hobbies, work or study
  • neglect self-care, such as washing

What shapes grief?

Many factors can influence how you experience grief. Two people who lose someone in similar circumstances may grieve very differently. This is because grief is often shaped by a combination of factors, including:

  • Relationship with the person who died:

    The nature of your relationship, including whether it was close, difficult or complicated, can also influence how you grieve.

  • Circumstances of the death:

    A sudden or traumatic death can affect grief differently from a death following a long illness. If you cared for the person before they died, you may experience grief before their death.

  • Opportunity to say goodbye:

    Being able to prepare for a death or say goodbye can affect how you experience your loss.

  • Previous experiences of loss:

    Earlier experiences of bereavement or other significant losses may influence how you respond to a new loss.

  • Personal circumstances:

    Your age, health, responsibilities and other things happening in your life can affect how you cope with grief. You may also be dealing with practical changes following the death, such as financial difficulties.

  • Culture, faith and beliefs:

    Cultural traditions, religious beliefs and personal values can influence how you understand death and express grief, as well as the rituals and practices that help you cope.

  • Support around you:

    Having supportive family, friends or other people you trust can help you cope with loss. You may find grief more difficult if you feel isolated or don't have people you can talk to.

  • Personality and ways of coping:

    Your usual ways of managing difficult situations, your emotional needs and the coping strategies that work for you may all influence your experience.

  • Changes caused by the loss:

    The death of someone close to you may change your daily routines, relationships, responsibilities, finances or sense of identity. These changes can affect how you adjust to life without the person who died.

What are the stages of grief?

There are different ways of describing how people may experience grief. One of the best-known is the Kübler-Ross model, which describes five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

However, grief does not follow a fixed pattern or happen in a particular order. You may experience different emotions at different times, and some feelings may come and go. You may also experience emotions or reactions that do not fit common descriptions of grief.

Grief may involve feelings of shock or numbness, anger, sadness, longing or hopelessness, as well as thoughts of ‘what if?’ or ‘if only?’. These experiences can overlap, change over time or return at different points. Acceptance does not mean forgetting the person who died or that grief has ended. Instead, it may involve finding ways to live with the loss while continuing to remember them.

How long does grief last?

There is no set amount of time that grief lasts. Everyone experiences grief differently, and how long it takes to adjust to a loss can depend on numerous factors.

Woman with arm around her friend, offering comfort

Some people experience intense grief that gradually eases, while others may have grief that remains consistently low or becomes more intense later. There is no single ‘normal’ length of time to grieve. You may continue to miss the person who died or experience difficult feelings, while gradually finding ways to live with your loss.

Feelings can often become stronger around birthdays, anniversaries or other reminders of the person or what has happened. Research suggests that people experience different patterns of grief over time, rather than following one predictable timeline.

For some people, grief remains very intense and continues to significantly affect their everyday life. Prolonged grief disorder (PGD) is a recognised mental health condition that can occur after the death of someone close to you.

How can I look after myself while experiencing grief?

There is no single way to cope with grief, but looking after your basic needs and finding things that help you manage day to day may make difficult periods more manageable. You might find it helpful to:

Illustration of someone sitting in restful position

Take care of your physical health

Try to eat regularly, get enough rest and stay physically active when you can. Gentle activities such as walking may help you manage stress and support your wellbeing.

Illustration of hand supporting someone elses hand

Stay connected

Talking to someone you trust about what you’re going through can help you feel less isolated. This could be a friend, family member or someone else you feel comfortable with. Reach out in whatever way feels manageable.

Illustration of someone breathing out

Find ways to manage stress

Grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, spending time outdoors or doing something you find calming may help you
manage stress.

Illustration of heart on top of a cupped hand

Make space for your feelings

Grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, spending time outdoors or doing something you find calming may help you
manage stress.

Illustration of a hand with heart inside

Be kind to yourself

Try not to put pressure on yourself to return to your usual routine or do everything as you did before. Focus on what you need from day to day and give yourself permission to prioritise rest and activities that help you cope.

Where can I get emotional support for grief?

The kind of support that feels helpful can vary from person to person, and you may find that what you need changes over time. Support can come from people close to you, your local community or specialist services, depending on what feels right for you.

  • Friends and family:

    Talking to someone you trust or simply spending time together can help you feel supported. You do not always need to talk about your loss.

  • Community or faith groups:

    Local groups, clubs, social activities and places of worship can help you stay connected and may offer practical or emotional support.

  • Bereavement support groups:

    Meeting other people who have experienced a loss can help you feel understood and less alone. Groups may meet in person or online.

  • Specialist bereavement services:

    Bereavement charities and organisations can provide information, emotional support, counselling, support groups and other services. Some specialise in particular types of loss or support specific communities.

  • Listening services:

    These offer a confidential, non-judgemental space to talk to a trained listener about how you are feeling. They are different from talking therapies and are not intended to provide ongoing psychological treatment.

  • Talking therapies:

    A trained mental health professional can help you explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences, process your grief and develop ways to cope with difficult emotions. You may be able to access talking therapies through the NHS through the NHS, your employer, a community service or a private therapist.

How can I support someone who is grieving?

You can support someone who is grieving by being there for them, listening without judgement and offering practical help. Try to follow their lead and avoid putting pressure on them to feel or behave in a certain way.

Here are some ways you can support a person who is grieving:

  • Keep it simple and sincere:

    You may worry about saying the wrong thing, but you don't need to find the perfect words. Simple, honest phrases such as 'I'm so sorry' or 'I'm here for you' can be enough. Try to avoid phrases that minimise someone's feelings or suggest they should be grateful, stay positive or move on.

  • Listen without trying to fix things:

    You don't need to have the right words or make their grief go away. Give them space to talk about how they feel and listen without judging or offering solutions. Sometimes simply being with someone, even in silence, can be helpful.

  • Be there and keep in touch:

    Let them know you're thinking of them. You could call, send a message or visit them, depending on what they prefer. Keep checking in over time, as grief doesn't end after the funeral and support can be especially important in the weeks and months that follow.

  • Let them grieve in their own way:

    Everyone experiences grief differently. Try not to judge someone by how they express their feelings or how long they grieve. They may want to talk about the person who died, or they may not. They may have good days as well as difficult ones. Let them take the lead and try not to put pressure on them to 'move on'.

  • Talk about the person who died:

    Don't be afraid to mention their name or share memories if it feels appropriate. Remembering someone and talking about them can help a grieving person feel that their loss has been acknowledged and that the person they loved has not been forgotten.

  • Respect their need for space:

    Some people may want company, while others may need time alone. Ask what feels helpful to them and respect their wishes. If they don't respond to a message or invitation, don't assume they don't want your support. Let them know you're still there when they are ready.

  • Remember important dates:

    Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other reminders can bring up difficult feelings. Consider checking in around these times, even if some time has passed since the person died.

  • Don't be afraid to reach out:

    You might worry about reminding someone of their loss, but they are unlikely to have forgotten it. A simple message can show that you are thinking of them.

  • Practical help:

    Grief can make everyday tasks feel difficult. Instead of saying 'let me know if there's anything I can do', offer something specific. You could cook a meal, do some shopping, help with childcare, walk the dog or offer to help with practical arrangements. Make sure you only offer what you can realistically do.

  • Encourage them to seek support:

    If you're worried about how someone is coping or think they may need more support, gently encourage them to talk to a GP or seek support from a bereavement service. You could offer to help them find appropriate support or go with them if they would find that helpful.

Myths and misconceptions about grief

Myth: You have to be strong when you're grieving

Fact: There is no need to hide your feelings or cope with grief on your own. You may feel sad, angry, confused, numb or overwhelmed, and it’s okay to ask other people for support. Being able to carry on with everyday life does not mean your grief is any less real.

Myth: You should move on from grief

Fact: Grief isn’t something you have to ‘get over’. Over time, you may find ways to live with your loss and adjust to life without the person who died. This does not mean forgetting them or leaving your memories behind. You can continue to remember and care about someone while also finding content moments and meaning in your life.

Myth: You need closure to move forward

Fact: Not everyone experiences a clear sense of closure after someone dies. You may have unanswered questions or feelings that change over time. Instead of trying to reach a particular point where grief ends, it may be more helpful to focus on finding ways to live with the loss and adjust to the changes it has brought.

Myth: Feeling happy means you're no longer grieving

Fact: Grief and happiness can exist at the same time. You may laugh, enjoy yourself or look forward to something while still deeply missing the person who died. Having positive experiences does not mean you have forgotten them or that your grief is over.

Myth: Talking about the person who died will make things worse

Fact: Some people find it comforting to talk about the person they have lost, share memories or say their name. Others may not want to talk, and that’s okay too. If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, let them decide what they feel comfortable discussing.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the difference between grief and bereavement?

Grief is the emotional, physical and psychological response to loss, while bereavement usually refers to the experience of losing someone through death. Grief can involve feelings such as sadness, anger, guilt, shock or numbness, as well as changes to sleep, appetite and concentration.

You can also experience grief following other significant losses, such as the end of a relationship, losing a job or moving away. Bereavement specifically relates to the death of someone, although the words are sometimes used interchangeably.

What is the difference between grief and depression?

Grief is a natural response to loss, while depression is a mental health condition that can affect how you think, feel and function. Grief and depression can have similar symptoms, including low mood, tiredness, changes in sleep and appetite, and difficulty concentrating.

One difference is that grief is closely connected to the person or thing you have lost. Depression may be more persistent and can affect your overall sense of self and enjoyment of life. However, grief can sometimes lead to depression, and the two can happen at the same time. If your low mood is persistent, getting worse or affecting your everyday life, speak to your GP or seek professional support.

Is grief a mental illness?

No. Grief is not usually considered a mental illness. It is a natural response to losing someone or something important to you. Grief can cause intense emotional and physical distress, particularly after a bereavement, but these experiences are not in themselves a mental health disorder.

For some people, grief can become persistent and significantly affect their ability to cope with everyday life. In these circumstances, they may develop a mental health condition such as prolonged grief disorder or depression and may benefit from professional support.

Is grief an emotion?

Grief is more than a single emotion. It is a complex response to loss that can involve many different emotions, thoughts, physical sensations and behaviours. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, anxiety, shock or numbness, sometimes experiencing several feelings at once.

What is unhealthy grieving?

‘Unhealthy grieving’ is not a clinical diagnosis. The term has been used in grief research and psychology to describe grief that was considered unusually persistent, severe or disruptive to someone’s everyday life. Terms such as ‘pathological grief’ and ‘complicated grief’ have also been used to describe these experiences. However, grief is deeply personal, and there is no single way that it should look or how long it should last.

Today, professionals may use the term prolonged grief disorder when grief remains intense and persistent and significantly affects someone’s daily life.

What is prolonged grief disorder?

Prolonged grief disorder is a mental health condition where intense, persistent grief following the death of someone close causes significant distress or affects everyday life. Symptoms can include intense emotional pain or longing for the person who died, difficulty accepting their death, feeling that life has lost its meaning, and struggling to return to everyday activities or maintain relationships.

Prolonged grief disorder is more likely after a sudden, unexpected or traumatic death, although other factors can also increase the risk. Not everyone who experiences intense or long-lasting grief will develop the condition, and grief can vary depending on personal, cultural and religious circumstances.

Prolonged grief disorder can occur alongside conditions such as depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If persistent grief is significantly affecting your everyday life, speak to your GP or another healthcare professional about support.

Do men and women grieve differently?

There is no single way that men, women or gender-diverse people grieve.

Research suggests that while social and gender expectations can influence how people express grief, they do not determine how someone experiences it. Factors such as your personality, culture, life experiences, relationship with the person who died and the support around you all play an important role. As a result, some people may express their emotions openly, while others grieve more privately or through practical actions.

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Real life stories

"My psychologist suggested group therapy which became a turning point. I met people with similar experience ... I felt validated and happy to be there."

Read Yasmin’s story

Useful contacts for grief

There are organisations that can offer emotional support, practical advice and information about grief and bereavement. You may also find specialist support if you have experienced a particular type of loss.

At a Loss

A charity that helps bereaved people find information, support and services to help them cope with grief and improve their wellbeing.

Bereavement Advice Centre

Provides practical information and advice to help you manage the practical issues that follow a bereavement.

Blue Cross

Provides free, confidential emotional support and information for people affected by the loss or anticipated loss of a pet or assistance animal.

Pet loss support 0800 096 6606

Every day, 8.30am–8.30pm

Care for the Family

Provides practical and emotional support for families facing bereavement, including dedicated support for bereaved parents.

Call: 029 2081 0800

Monday: 10am–4.30pm
Tuesday to Friday: 9am–4.30pm

Child Bereavement UK

Provides support and information for children, young people and families when someone dies or when a child dies.

Helpline 0800 02 888 40

Monday to Friday: 9am–5pm

Childhood Bereavement Network

Provides information and support for people concerned about a child or young person who has been bereaved, and connects professionals working in childhood bereavement.

Call: 020 7843 6309

Cruse Bereavement Support

Charity that provides bereavement support, information and guidance to help people cope with grief after someone dies.

Call: 0808 808 1677

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday: 9.30am–5pm
Tuesday: 1pm–8pm
Saturday and Sunday: closed

National Bereavement Service

Provides practical information and support around the legal, financial and practical issues that can follow a bereavement.

Call: 0191 656 3201

Monday to Friday: 9am - 6pm
Saturday: 10am - 2pm
Sunday: closed

Sands

Provides support for anyone affected by the death of a baby before, during or shortly after birth, including parents, families and healthcare professionals.

Helpline 0808 164 3332

Monday to Friday: 10am–3pm
Tuesday and Thursday evenings: 5pm–9pm

Sue Ryder

Provides support for people living with a terminal illness or neurological condition, and for people who have been bereaved, including information and support around grief.

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS)

Provides peer support for adults aged 18 and over who have been bereaved by suicide, including a national telephone helpline, email support, online community forum and local and virtual support groups.

Helpline 0300 111 5065

Every day: 9am-7pm

The Compassionate Friends

Provides support to bereaved parents and families after the death of a child, offering a listening service and peer support from trained bereaved-parent volunteers.

Helpline 0345 123 2304

Monday to Thursday: 10am–4pm and 7pm–9pm
Friday: 10am–4pm
(excluding bank holidays)

The Good Grief Trust

Provides information and signposting to bereavement support services across the UK, helping people find support that is right for their circumstances.

The Loss Foundation

Provides free support for people who have been bereaved by cancer, including grief support groups, events and resources.

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