Burnout – there’s a fear HR or your manager might question your ability

 

It’s fascinating to reflect on my journey, especially considering my background in supporting individuals facing challenging mental and physical health issues.

"I even served as a mental health champion and was trained to recognise the warning signs.

However, when I found myself in the thick of it, I completely forgot everything I learned."

– Heemali

My roots are in dance, I have always been intrigued by the mechanics of the body. But throughout my teenage years, the pressure of looking a certain way in that particular industry got to me, leading to body dysmorphia.

Instead of leaving the industry or voicing my issues, I lost touch with my true self-image.

"I chose to ignore my feelings, telling myself that if I didn’t acknowledge the issue, it would go away."

– Heemali

A few years later, when I was working in a Special Educational Needs (SEN) school, I witnessed a student’s seizure for the first time. This haunted me for a long time and triggered a wave of anxiety. Questions flooded my mind: What if this happens again while I’m alone? What if I can’t help a child in need? I was overwhelmed with negative thoughts and found myself unable to access support for this experience.

Without knowing, this marked the beginning of one of the darkest phases of my life. After a few more years, I went traveling with my boyfriend at the time and we had the most incredible adventures. However, midway through our journey when I was in New Zealand, I received devastating news: my Dad had been diagnosed with cancer and required an emergency operation. I was literally thousands of miles away and the feeling of helplessness was overwhelming. My anxiety intensified significantly.

My experience of burnout

Upon returning to the UK a year later, I started a job in a corporate office within the private education sector. Initially, I loved the role; it allowed me to travel and engage with people from diverse cultures. I had a supportive team and it felt like the right fit.

However, as I climbed the corporate ladder, my sense of fulfilment began to wane. Increased targets and workloads took a toll on me. My relationship fell apart and I found myself increasingly consumed by work, missing important moments with family and friends. My world shrank as I neglected my own wellbeing and the joy of life started to slip way.

I stopped exercising, eating well, and making time for myself. Panic attacks became a nightly occurrence and my nervous system reached breaking point. Physically, my health deteriorated; my psoriasis flared up, I was diagnosed with psoriatic and rheumatoid arthritis, my right foot was swollen and painful to walk on, and my liver health suffered.

"I was rapidly spiralling downward, noticed myself withdrawing from social situations and closing myself off from the world. I was depressed."

– Heemali

Then came the pandemic, oddly a turning point in my life. While I continued to work from home, I lost the travel aspects of my job, yet the demands remained unchanged. Fortunately, my dad went into remission, but I was at an all-time low and started to question whether this is how I wanted to live my life.

Overcoming burnout

I realised I couldn’t continue living this way as I wasn’t really living, I was just existing in this rat race. Something needed to change. I took a leap of faith, leaving my job to focus on my health and my family.

I started my journey with a functional doctor, a kinesiologist, and an acupuncturist. I returned to my fitness routine, rekindled my yoga practice and began collaborating with a trauma coach. Over time, I succeeded in reversing my physical symptoms; I no longer have arthritis and my psoriasis is manageable without steroids.

I learned to cultivate self-love and work through trauma via movement, breathwork, nutrition, and learning how to manage my emotions.

"This experience has taught me to listen to my body, seek support, even if I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and to have some compassion for myself and what I've been through."

– Heemali

My body was sending me signals for far too long which I ignored, leading to significant mental and physical dysregulation.

My experience with burnout at work could have been more manageable if there had been a dedicated wellbeing professional.

"Approaching HR or a manager can feel intimidating when you're struggling; there's a fear that they might question your ability to perform your job.

Additionally, having flexible working hours would have been beneficial on days when simply getting out of bed felt overwhelming."

– Heemali

The notion of “no pain, no gain” is misleading, and the toxic culture of being the first in the office and the last to leave must change. Work-life balance is crucial, yet many people still prioritise work at the expense of their wellbeing. We should all be given tools in order to self-regulate when needed.