Do not give up on getting the right support for you
For Menopause Awareness Day, Friday 18 October, Linda reflects on her experience with menopause, drawing attention to symptoms of depression, suicidal thoughts, and sleeplessness. She shares some positive tips, from exercise to talking to others.
Trigger warning: This blog mentions suicidal thoughts
I’m a mother, wife, and CEO of a charity. Initially I noticed difficulties in sleeping, itchy skin, tiredness, and my heat being out of sync with those around me. I didn’t have full-on night sweats, and my cycle has always been all over the place, so I didn’t know if anything had changed. I was suffering with depression more often than I had for years. Perimenopause wasn’t discussed much then for me to be aware of it.
Then monthly migraines and cluster headaches began, initially lasting 3-4 days each month. Four years later, these still occur. The cluster headaches were painful. They weren’t like migraines, so being still and in a dark room didn’t help. I had to work harder for my brain to continue delivering at the pace I needed it to, especially in work meetings and when processing lots of information.
My heat at night didn’t help the sleeplessness and the depression, nor the pain in my head. I had to work so hard at maintaining everything in my professional life that there was little energy left for my family. My patience with my loved ones was reduced and it wasn’t fair on them.
– Linda"I withdrew.
My withdrawal from the family was at such a level that they didn’t see me cry or not function, as I masked it all and spent time alone as much as possible if I was very low."
Looking back, I don’t remember much fun. I was solely focused on the people we supported at work, the growing needs from the pandemic and the risk that if we failed, if I failed, hundreds of thousands of people would be severely impacted, including our dedicated staff. I needed to deliver despite my health. I didn’t have time to be ill, I just needed to mask it.
Two things took it to breaking point.
A sudden rage, unlike my character or anything I’d experienced before. I could explode without any warning. It was an alien reaction, almost like an out-of-body experience. I was terrified that I’d done this. It occurred twice, both with my youngest, the last person I should have reacted to. They’d said something so minor, but this rage just exploded and I couldn’t contain it. It was completely out of context.
The second thing was the depression had led to suicidal thoughts, regularly for two days every month. One month, my suicidal ideation went on for a third day. I knew I needed help if this continued, so I looked up a place to check myself into. Thankfully it didn’t come to that, but the need to research was enough to know I had to get support.
I started to read more information to check if my symptoms were menopause-related. Initially, I read Jenny Éclair’s book Older and Wider. I listened to the amazing podcast by Gabby Logan, the Mid-Point, where she interviewed several women talking about their experiences — Caitlin Moran, Claudia Winkleman, Davina McCall, and Lorainne Kelly. All of this helped to see the huge list of symptoms I was ticking off. And the more I learnt, the more I was discussing it with other women of a similar age.
After my breaking point, I made my fourth attempt at asking the GP service for help. I had a list of all my menopause symptoms and read them to the GP. We discussed the options; I was 49 by the time we reached this stage.
– Linda"Many people have tried various options before getting the right ones for them. From medication, to supplements, to counselling.
Do not give up on getting the right support for you."
Tips for managing menopause
I’d recommend asking for a blood test if your GP doesn’t take your concerns seriously. This way, you’ll be on a journey to check if your hormones are changing. There are also many books, podcasts, and TV programmes available. It was eye opening to hear about the perimenopause and realise how many symptoms I had.
Talk to other people. I first shared at work through a lived experience session to support other people. The husbands and partners all had stories to share, as they’d tried to support their loved ones too. We all felt better for having someone to talk to. But also be aware that your journey may not be the same as someone else’s. Something that struck me when I spoke in the lived experience group, was that my nan died by suicide in her early 50s. I spoke to my sibling, recognising that maybe she was menopausal with no help.
Exercise in a way that helps you. Don’t add more pressure to your plate. Mine was to walk and talk with a friend, or walk alone with a podcast or music. Getting out of the house helped break the withdrawal cycle I was in and helped with my depression, especially if I took a walk in nature without headphones. Initially, I’d do it very early in the dark as it really helped me to breathe better. I knew yoga and meditation work for me, so I added an in-person yoga class when I noticed my mood dipping.
I didn’t tell my husband how serious my depression had gotten until after I shared it in the lived experience session at work. This was after I’d found the right combination of medication, wellbeing, and support.
– Linda"Don’t bottle it up.
Opening up helped me mask less and reduce the pressure I’d put myself under."
How does the menopause affect mental health?
Find out what the menopause is, how it can affect your physical and mental health, and what steps you can take to look after your wellbeing during this period in your life.
For further information and support on the topics raised in this blog please visit these pages:
