New Year, New Me? Why New Year’s resolutions can be unhelpful, and how to set healthy goals
As a society, we use the New Year period to look back on the year that has passed and look to the year ahead, pledging change for the better. However, while New Year’s resolutions might seem lighthearted and positive, sometimes they can end up doing more harm than good to our mental wellbeing.
There’s nothing ultimately wrong with making a pledge to live your best life or make positive changes, but it’s important that we do so in a mentally healthy way. In this post, we’ll discuss some of the problems with our traditional New Year’s resolutions, and how to make positive resolutions for growth in the coming year.
Why New Year’s resolutions can be unhelpful
While New Year’s resolutions can be helpful motivators to make positive changes, it’s important to do so in the right way. Our resolutions are often black-or-white, win or lose, and while healthy competition with others can also help us achieve our goals, our “failure” to achieve these goals can lead us to believe we are also “failures.” This way, New Year’s resolutions can have a negative impact on our self-esteem, our confidence, and our motivation to change.
Research has found that 90% of people do not complete their New Year’s resolutions, with around 25% “quitting” by the end of the first week. There are several possible reasons:
- Shame-based motivation
Resolutions are often made with shame-based motivation. For example, the most common resolutions are based around losing weight and quitting habits that are seen as unhealthy. However, shame is not a good motivator, and anything that makes us feel bad about ourselves ultimately places us on an unsteady foundation to change. - Tradition versus motivation
We often set New Year’s resolutions because it is tradition to do so, and because peer pressure dictates we should join in when we may not want or feel ready to make changes. Rather than setting a resolution because of tradition, we are more likely to succeed if we are motivated to change because we want to improve our lives in some way. We shouldn’t feel the need to wait until the new year to take positive action for our own wellbeing. - Creating daunting resolutions
Often, people create resolutions that are formidable in scale. This can make it incredibly challenging to be successful and increases the chance of the inner critic showing up if you fail to achieve the lofty goal. Setting small, achievable goals can often be a more manageable way to create change. No resolution can be too small. - Planning for obstacles
As the saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. We often set resolutions but fall at the first hurdle. If we plan for obstacles and expect to experience some difficulty, we’re more likely to succeed. For example, rather than “quitting” after skipping a day, we can practice self-compassion, acknowledge that it’s difficult to implement changes, and allow ourselves to continue fresh the next day.
New Year’s resolutions can encourage negative changes
New Year’s resolutions often encourage negative and harmful changes over positive ones. One of the most common of these changes relates to diet culture and weight loss for appearance.
At this time of year, gyms and weight loss programmes encourage sign-ups through incentives and cheaper fees, encouraging an increase in conversation around diets, weight loss, and appearance. In addition to being a common example of shame-based motivation, this time of year can be deeply distressing or triggering for anyone who struggles with an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder.
Rather than encouraging a “health at every size” approach to fitness, this encourages weight loss for cosmetic sake, often shaming how much we eat over the holiday period and how we must “correct the scales,” applying shame to what should be a joyous time. People struggling with eating disorders may also be triggered by workplace incentives to lose weight, conversations around weight loss, and lunchtime conversations about what one is eating because it is healthier.
We should never be shamed or made to feel guilty for the food we eat. While exercise has scientifically proven benefits to health and mood, and may even help toward combatting seasonal affective disorder, we should prioritise movement over weight loss. While cheaper joining fees and other incentives make this a great time to join a gym, we need to do so for the right reasons and not because society demands that we lose weight. Tierney told us how focusing on the mental health benefits of exercise rather than just the physical benefits, helped her to maintain a healthy relationship with movement.
Try making these healthy New Year’s resolutions this year
If we do feel encouraged to make a New Year’s resolution (and remember, we can make positive changes at any time of year), it’s important to try and make the right kind of resolution.
Remember that even if we forget to stick to our planned resolution, it’s OK to forgive yourself and carry on. Life is complex and everybody has innumerable stressors and responsibilities, so it’s OK to forget or feel disheartened occasionally. It’s more important that we continue to try. Studies show that new habits take around 10 weeks to form, so we shouldn’t expect to make grand changes within just a few weeks of effort. Remember, also, that you are an individual; if it takes longer, or if you find it more difficult to follow your resolution than someone else, remember that there are many factors at play and comparison isn’t helpful.
The language we use is also important. Rather than saying “I have to” or “I must,” try changing your language to “I get to” or “I will try.” Reframing our resolution from negative to positive, a demand to an opportunity, helps us get into the right state of mind and helps to eliminate the fear of failure.
So, if you want to use this time of year to try making a positive change for your mental and physical wellbeing, here are some examples you can try.
- “I will try to spend less time on my phone, and embrace being more present in my surroundings.”
- “I will try to listen to my body and give it what it needs to thrive both mentally and physically.”
- “I will try to remember the happiness that exercise brings me.”
- “I will try to embrace opportunities to see my friends when I feel able.”
- “I will try to practice mindfulness when I’m feeling low.”
- “I will try to practice gratitude when I’m struggling.”
- “I will try to be a better listener to my needs and my loved ones.”
- ”I will try and value my mental health at work by taking my full lunchbreak.”
- “I will try to remember that it’s OK to make mistakes, and I will try to forgive myself for the mistakes I make.”
- “I will try to eat healthier foods, but I will try to practice self-compassion when I struggle with this.”
Ultimately, remember that New Year’s resolutions should be about positivity, making beneficial changes for not only our physical health but also our mental health. We cannot practice good mental health with shame and ridicule. Self-compassion, positive changes, and patience will be key to achieving our wellbeing goals no matter when we make them.
